Stupid Sunday.

would you be able to tell if i was sad? i think so...
can you tell i am sad? don't think so...
are you afraid to ask if i'm sad? maybe so...
tell me why life can't be happiness all at once?
why can i run to the moon and come back?
do things fall into place?
do all people go through the same?
or others are lucky than me.
i am afraid to tell the world how much i need -someone-
i liberate myself from anger and dissapointment of someone.
but today
today was such a waste of time
it's time to guess it's my fault for wishing the wrong things.
pretending to write a story in thoughts is hard
but what's  more hard, pretending everything is okay.
filled myself with items, and items more items
don't come close to filling the emptiness in my mind.
can you give me a hug? yes
can you give me a kiss? maybe
can you give me money? of course not
do you care about others? maybe yea no
everything is where everything should be
except the soul where mine was left at
it has no road no path no signs ahead
a plain soulmate could fill in the space.
the cold wind just blew over me
the chair in front of me is dead
like everything in my room
except the heart in the place.
according to you
i'm probably nothing
according to my mom
i am everything
where do i fall in a stranger's category?
that's right no one, no where.
how can you describe to someone they are lucky?
with words, would they listen?
with actions, would they see it?
on tv? in the radio? on the internet?
whatever caused me to write random lines 
is filling my brain with hunger and sanity.
i am done.
i am officially more STRONGER
this is Jessica who wishes her life was just one bit, better.

It's all about F21: Spring Wish List.

Clothes, Shoes & Accesories From Forever21.com Spring 2011.

An Apology.

the past two days i been dreaming,
or so far remembering my dream.
last night i was being called the most awful things.
i was being abused, hit and spit on,
isn't it crazy to feel the victim at times?
sometimes i feel like i'll never get out of my dream.
right now feeling like i owe apologies to people in my life...
my life is too short to feel sorry for mistakes
the people that were once in my life are now gone...
here goes,
friend
I'm sorry if i ever said something bad about you.
I'm sorry if i ever said anything to make you feel bad.
I'm sorry if i was a bad person.
I'm sorry if i was stupid towards you.
I'm sorry if i wasn't with you on something.
I'm sorry if i wasn't there with you.
I'm sorry if i wasn't good of a friend.
I'm sorry if i don't have the things you do.
I'm sorry if i can't afford to go out.
I'm sorry if i ever rubbed something on your face.
I'm sorry if i ever made you feel like you wanted to kill me.
But most of all I'm sorry that i'm feeling sorry you don't talk or come to me anymore.
nothing i can do, but accept the harsh true.
school, work and other people replaced me... 
how i still remember you my dear friend.
no sign from you. 
don't plan to talk because i never let go.
whatever caused me happiness, it's not gone
new things await.

To my future,
I can't always feel sorry for not being perfect.
I am beautiful, believe it.
I can tell you how much you mean to the world,
to me, everyone else.
When the sun goes down, the city brightens the night,
and nothing is ever dark again, except
for the fact that i care that no one else cares for this world.
for the fact that i am the girl with a soft heart 
that one that will kiss your lips with the full meaning...
the one that will run miles just to see a smile
to share a hug a meal a word.
i want to kiss you again, even if it's in dreams.

Tempah. Cool Song ;)

Outfit Shopping: Something I Would Wear ; )

outfits by forever21.com

BlackNBlack.

props to http://theabridgedversion.com/

RickRoss.

Cool Song :D

Diddy Dirty Money My BF. (This Video Is Stuck In My Mind)

Late Night Talk.

like a doll in a box is where i belong,
i feel trapped with a head full of thoughts.
i sleep on my thoughts,
 i'm full and tired of chasing dreams that never happen.
laying down, here, you belong. WE belong. in dreams...
the real question is where? |Where are you?|
no looking further or back just standing on a line where anything CAN happen.
i'm giving up on looking for someone for |me|.
freeing my mind from things that cloud any mind with nothing but failure.
i'm walking my way to be a different person.
the new person that always had a sweet soft heart without the rough skin and bitch-ness.
i want to be able to talk without the fear, without the hold-backs, without ANYTHING.
falling asleep on something good is something i see happening new in my life.
some good things cover other bad things. cover my face with your love...
i wonder what you think of me, of when you first get to talk to me.
of when you start feeling me closer, 
of when you start feeling the love, affection and care for me.
i sit here and think all of the things that people might think of me.
although i do not care,
 it crosses my mind thinking that people can fill someone with thoughts and feelings never experienced.
i'm ready for that, i'm ready to finally see the new person in the dream.
the person i never get to see,
 i wake up with the big smile on my face thinking one day i can see the face next to me.
make love to someone, but specially make to love to the girl who would give the world to hear you say 
"you mean the world to me" I love you.
i always seen you in my dreams. 

All Of The Lights- Kanye ChiTown West :)

Blog Post Number 13, Memories.

Since i was born i was the happiness of my mom, dad and my only older brother..

At Age 1, Jessica, cute little girl with dresses of different patterns and colors.

At Age 2, Jessica, who doesn't speak much, but knows her surroundings.

At Age 3, Jessica, starts to know that doing certain things brings bad results. Learns the Mexican way of a hard spanking.


At Age 4, Jessica has a birthday party for another year of life, her fourth year of life.


At Age 5, Jessica goes into Kinder-Garden, full of kids her age, A place with a big playground and a huge tree in the middle equals best thing on earth. 


At Age 6, Jessica starts 1st Grade, Mexico, place of birth, learns lives and reads spanish.


At Age 7, Jessica who couldn't read right, has now improve her reading skills becomes top of the class.


At Age 8, Jessica goes through a series of events all in one year, the result, reuniting her father in the U.S.


At Age 9, Jessica starts 4th year of school, Nathan Davis, even the name of the school was hard to pronounce, nothing was easy.


At Age 10, Jessica gets positioned in bilingual classes, no matter what, studying hard to improve english.


At Age 11, Jessica a normal mexican girl goes to school, goes home, goes to school and does it all over again.


At Age 12, Jessica moves to St.Louis, Missouri, Family does not get along, moves one school to another, does not fit in.


At Age 13, Hello Chicago! I miss St.Louis but i missed you even more, moves in, starts Madero Middle School. 

At Age 14, Starts 8th grade at a school who first rejects her due to over population, Graduates. Hello Kelly High School.

At Age 15, Freshmen Year, No "Quinceanera", Oh Well Life Goes ON.

At Age 16, Hey I'm in High School, Falls in love? Plays Softball.

At Age 17, "I'm Old Now", Old enough to learn to drive, never happens. . . 
(sad face)

At Age 18, Jessica who is writing this quick timeline, so many memories, so many lessons learned. Life and time is ticking, "i'm alive" once again i'm at a standstill of getting my documentation to live freely...