Feed My Fish Below

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Hola!

My first language spanish- espanol!
Hola! a todos mis amigos del mundo entero, y del corazon.
Quiero disculparme porque no e escrito mucho, siempre hago otras cosas que estar en la computadora.
Bueno empezare for anunciar que estare trabajando en la organizacion SGA en proyecto que se llama C.A.T.S significa community action teams. Es un trabajo de verano durara hasta octubre.
Mi vida ha estado mejor, no hay amor a la vista ni cosas desagradables quiero que este asi por este tiempo.
Extrano muchas cosas de antes pero que hay que hacer, nada. Solo vivir por ahora y disfrutar de la vida sin novios ni compromisos :) 
Esta semana ha sido como la otras, pero esta vez que comprendido que el dinero va como agua, se gasta rapido. Y creo que ya debo parar de comprar cosas estupidas.
 El otro dia un primo mio de mexico me encontro en fb, chateamos no nos conocemos bien pero el se acuerda de cuando era pequena, dice que es maestro de musica me encantaria estar en Mexico para aprender el piano como dice el que aprendio en Bellas Artes creo que alla en Mexico es una escuela de mucho prestigio.
Pero bueno, el otro dia mi amiga me menciono los TOMS, me enamore de los zapatos TOMS creo que comprare un par porque es para una buena causa. Si compras un par le regalan otro a un nino necesitado, el unico problema es que estan caros para lo que yo gano de dinero pero bueno algun dia me comprare el par :)
Ahora que va a llegar el verano debo de comprar mas ropa de verano pero mi madre dice que ahorre el dinero para cuando vaya a Mexico, se me hace dificil porque simpre quiero comprar todo.
Creo que este verano estara bien porque hare muchas cosas con amigas y eso, ojala que ahora que entre al nuevo trabajo encuentre a alguien como amigo y luego algo mas :)
Me falta mencionar que casi no he sonado cosas pero bueno es todo por ahora. 
:)
Adios
-Jess

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Lolla 2011: Coldplay.

This year for my 19th birthday all i want is a three day pass to LOLLAPALOOZA
Coldplay is going to be there along with others...


 Really hope i can attend . :)
-jessica.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

when nothing else mattered, you DID.

When u have a long conversation with yourself, 
feeling guilty of doing something not knowing what it is, 
there's something wrong.
Needs fixing Yea.
My heart needs healing.
My heart was yours.
Everyone deserves a second chance, too bad you blew it.
My small self is changing, i can feel it.
My soul is drying, tears of blood it shed.
I'm going to talk like when you were next to me.
I never got to tell you, you'll never hear my voice again.
Remember the time we kissed? Yea i liked it.
Remember the time you ignored me? Yea i forgot about it.
Remember the time you told me you wanted me? Yea i am not easy.
Remember the time you said you liked the way i would pronounce your  name? I liked it.
Remember today when we hung out and you gave me attitude? Yea i'm not the other one.
I wished upon the stars it brought you back.
I wished for my prince, not a stranger...
Your smell its still in me
Your voice its music to my soul
Your kisses were like no others
I am going to miss all the things we shared.
Too bad you couldn't appreciate a girl like me.
I am the one you'll never find again.
How about a taste of your own medicine?
the deletes from FB- the missing calls/texts.
Along with other things & my past, goodbye past, hello future.
</3 broken hearted and more like stronger than ever.


goodbye.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Remembering your name

just like today, i though of you
just like yesterday, i was thinking of you
the day before yesterday i was still not over you...
days and months have passed.
seven to be exact.
the pain & confusedness is still there, here.
the minute i seen our memories my heart yelled, STOP.
stop thinking he's here, because he's not.
stop thinking of him and of everything that's not.
i want to erase your name, your face, your memory 
every little thing i do, it's a memory.
my heart rips apart when i hear your name
i've tried too hard to forget that name.
these past months I've tried SO hard to get over everything.
i (can't move on).
i want to yell at you, 
scream at your face and tell you how much
 i miss being next to you.
they say things happen for a reason, 
but i still can't figure out our reason.
my life just isn't the same...
i can't breathe i want to live, but i just can't live.
remember the time, when i said i was afraid of falling in love...
i wasn't wrong, the hardest goodbye is the one i'm still at.
only in those pictures,
i see your face, my stomach goes weak,
 my eyes want to cry, my soul wants to dry.
i wish i had a time machine to tell you how much you really meant to me.
to tell you how much i really appreciated you.
i can't seem to find a way to LOVE again.
i want to LOVE again, i want to have a summer LOVE again.
i miss you so dam much.

I Love You & I Miss you!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Not 10 But 15 Things About Me.

Number 1: I love the smell of soap, makes me want to eat it.
Number 2: When i was 8 there was a 14 yr old kid that wanted to marry me. (creepy, i know)
Number 3: My favorite colors are Pink and Blue
Number 4: I've always liked older guys than me. (hehehe)
Number 5: I think tall bearded guys are sexy <3 LOL
Number 6: I want to get laser hair removal. -__- 
Number 7: I love taking pictures. :)
Number 8: I love Veggies, Anything with Veggies!
Number 9: I don't drink soda, there's no soda in my house (only on special occasions)
Number 10: When i was younger i got ran over by a car riding my bike :|
Number 11: I absolutely love Hooters! (TMI please!)
Number 12: When i was little i was SUPER skinny.
Number 13: I have to admit i am poor (at the moment) :(
Number 14: I never had a cotillion (and i'm mexican)
Number 15: i love MY ass ;) (in general)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Real Deal.

Update on things going on right now :)
Yesterday i met with a trainer at Bally Total Fitness (Oh yeah i signed up at the gym)
She weight me and calculated my body fat and bmi?
So long talk short, I am overweight when my short self used to weight 140 (Back in the softball days)
I weight 163 pounds, OMG! i was shocked! Well i definitely have some work to do.
I plan to lose 30 pounds by summer, and i know deep in my heart I CAN DO IT.
My first workout at the gym with the trainer was not easy AT ALL, i was dying...
After almost passing out she gave me some sort of massage, pulling my legs and stretching my arms LOL I felt much better.
Talking about my goals made me realize i can be motivated without falling off track, for sure i have to eat healthy and attend the gym AT LEAST 3 days out of the week and even sundays :)
I don't plan to train with her due to the HIGH payments she asks for, i can't afford it :(
So for now i have to find a workout plan and cut back the junk food for sure this time.
I have to keep myself busy with activities like riding a bike or walking to the park.
If anyone out there has some sort of a beginner workout for me, meal plan or fitness tips websites anything! please comment me or send me an email at 
jessperez41@yahoo.com


For now this is it, I am on mission to lose 30 pounds by summer look good for the beach ;)


I will  answer ANYTHING! 


Work Out

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Stupid Sunday.

would you be able to tell if i was sad? i think so...
can you tell i am sad? don't think so...
are you afraid to ask if i'm sad? maybe so...
tell me why life can't be happiness all at once?
why can i run to the moon and come back?
do things fall into place?
do all people go through the same?
or others are lucky than me.
i am afraid to tell the world how much i need -someone-
i liberate myself from anger and dissapointment of someone.
but today
today was such a waste of time
it's time to guess it's my fault for wishing the wrong things.
pretending to write a story in thoughts is hard
but what's  more hard, pretending everything is okay.
filled myself with items, and items more items
don't come close to filling the emptiness in my mind.
can you give me a hug? yes
can you give me a kiss? maybe
can you give me money? of course not
do you care about others? maybe yea no
everything is where everything should be
except the soul where mine was left at
it has no road no path no signs ahead
a plain soulmate could fill in the space.
the cold wind just blew over me
the chair in front of me is dead
like everything in my room
except the heart in the place.
according to you
i'm probably nothing
according to my mom
i am everything
where do i fall in a stranger's category?
that's right no one, no where.
how can you describe to someone they are lucky?
with words, would they listen?
with actions, would they see it?
on tv? in the radio? on the internet?
whatever caused me to write random lines 
is filling my brain with hunger and sanity.
i am done.
i am officially more STRONGER
this is Jessica who wishes her life was just one bit, better.









Friday, March 25, 2011

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

An Apology.

the past two days i been dreaming,
or so far remembering my dream.
last night i was being called the most awful things.
i was being abused, hit and spit on,
isn't it crazy to feel the victim at times?
sometimes i feel like i'll never get out of my dream.
right now feeling like i owe apologies to people in my life...
my life is too short to feel sorry for mistakes
the people that were once in my life are now gone...
here goes,
friend
I'm sorry if i ever said something bad about you.
I'm sorry if i ever said anything to make you feel bad.
I'm sorry if i was a bad person.
I'm sorry if i was stupid towards you.
I'm sorry if i wasn't with you on something.
I'm sorry if i wasn't there with you.
I'm sorry if i wasn't good of a friend.
I'm sorry if i don't have the things you do.
I'm sorry if i can't afford to go out.
I'm sorry if i ever rubbed something on your face.
I'm sorry if i ever made you feel like you wanted to kill me.
But most of all I'm sorry that i'm feeling sorry you don't talk or come to me anymore.
nothing i can do, but accept the harsh true.
school, work and other people replaced me... 
how i still remember you my dear friend.
no sign from you. 
don't plan to talk because i never let go.
whatever caused me happiness, it's not gone
new things await.

To my future,
I can't always feel sorry for not being perfect.
I am beautiful, believe it.
I can tell you how much you mean to the world,
to me, everyone else.
When the sun goes down, the city brightens the night,
and nothing is ever dark again, except
for the fact that i care that no one else cares for this world.
for the fact that i am the girl with a soft heart 
that one that will kiss your lips with the full meaning...
the one that will run miles just to see a smile
to share a hug a meal a word.
i want to kiss you again, even if it's in dreams.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Diddy Dirty Money My BF. (This Video Is Stuck In My Mind)

Late Night Talk.

like a doll in a box is where i belong,
i feel trapped with a head full of thoughts.
i sleep on my thoughts,

 i'm full and tired of chasing dreams that never happen.
laying down, here, you belong. WE belong. in dreams...
the real question is where? |Where are you?|
no looking further or back just standing on a line where anything CAN happen.

i'm giving up on looking for someone for |me|.
freeing my mind from things that cloud any mind with nothing but failure.
i'm walking my way to be a different person.
the new person that always had a sweet soft heart without the rough skin and bitch-ness.
i want to be able to talk without the fear, without the hold-backs, without ANYTHING.
falling asleep on something good is something i see happening new in my life.
some good things cover other bad things. cover my face with your love...
i wonder what you think of me, of when you first get to talk to me.
of when you start feeling me closer, 
of when you start feeling the love, affection and care for me.
i sit here and think all of the things that people might think of me.
although i do not care,
 it crosses my mind thinking that people can fill someone with thoughts and feelings never experienced.
i'm ready for that, i'm ready to finally see the new person in the dream.
the person i never get to see,
 i wake up with the big smile on my face thinking one day i can see the face next to me.
make love to someone, but specially make to love to the girl who would give the world to hear you say 
"you mean the world to me" I love you.
i always seen you in my dreams. 





Wait!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Blog Post Number 13, Memories.

Since i was born i was the happiness of my mom, dad and my only older brother..






At Age 1, Jessica, cute little girl with dresses of different patterns and colors.

At Age 2, Jessica, who doesn't speak much, but knows her surroundings.


At Age 3, Jessica, starts to know that doing certain things brings bad results. Learns the Mexican way of a hard spanking.


At Age 4, Jessica has a birthday party for another year of life, her fourth year of life.


At Age 5, Jessica goes into Kinder-Garden, full of kids her age, A place with a big playground and a huge tree in the middle equals best thing on earth. 


At Age 6, Jessica starts 1st Grade, Mexico, place of birth, learns lives and reads spanish.


At Age 7, Jessica who couldn't read right, has now improve her reading skills becomes top of the class.


At Age 8, Jessica goes through a series of events all in one year, the result, reuniting her father in the U.S.


At Age 9, Jessica starts 4th year of school, Nathan Davis, even the name of the school was hard to pronounce, nothing was easy.


At Age 10, Jessica gets positioned in bilingual classes, no matter what, studying hard to improve english.


At Age 11, Jessica a normal mexican girl goes to school, goes home, goes to school and does it all over again.


At Age 12, Jessica moves to St.Louis, Missouri, Family does not get along, moves one school to another, does not fit in.


At Age 13, Hello Chicago! I miss St.Louis but i missed you even more, moves in, starts Madero Middle School. 

At Age 14, Starts 8th grade at a school who first rejects her due to over population, Graduates. Hello Kelly High School.

At Age 15, Freshmen Year, No "Quinceanera", Oh Well Life Goes ON.

At Age 16, Hey I'm in High School, Falls in love? Plays Softball.

At Age 17, "I'm Old Now", Old enough to learn to drive, never happens. . . 
(sad face)

At Age 18, Jessica who is writing this quick timeline, so many memories, so many lessons learned. Life and time is ticking, "i'm alive" once again i'm at a standstill of getting my documentation to live freely...




Sunday, February 27, 2011